


I Will Protect You

by Katalyna_Rose



Series: Elissa Cousland and Solona Amell [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Constructive Criticism Welcome, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:42:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9692120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katalyna_Rose/pseuds/Katalyna_Rose
Summary: Cullen thought Solona Amell died at Kinloch Hold during the Fifth Blight, and he mourned for her. When she ambushes him on the road, he can hardly believe it. He has so much lost time to make up for.Solona escaped the Circle tower when Uldred took over, along with as many mages as she could find. She expected to ambush the bandits that were giving her people grief and instead stumbles upon her old flame. Does he still care for her, even after all this time?





	1. Reunions

**Author's Note:**

> I'm doing this thing because I fell in love with the Amell I created for my one-shot Stay With Me Always. She was pretty. I want to write more about her. But I like my canon as is, thank you very much, so pretty little Solona is not a Warden.

The attack came out of nowhere, but Cullen had his sword drawn and his shield up before the first fireball hit its target. His horse screamed and threw him as lightning struck its rump. Unharmed but for a bit of scorched hair, it dumped him in the dirt and bolted, only to be caught by a young mage who was just waiting for a mount to run.

Lightning struck the ground where he had lain just a moment before as he jumped to his feet and moved away. Ice slicked the ground, but his boots had spiked soles and he kept his balance as he turned toward his attacker. All he saw was a glimpse of long brown hair and the glimmer of a knight-enchanter’s sword before he brought his shield up. He blocked the blow, then knocked the mage’s sword aside with his own. His shield made contact with his attacker’s head, and they were dumped in the dirt as he had just been.

“Stay down!” he hissed as the mage struggled. “I don’t want to kill you.” Chocolate waves of hair were tossed from the mage’s face and she glared up at him, then they both froze in shock and recognition. The fire she’d been building in her hand died instantly.

“Shit!” she squeaked. “You’re not the bandits that have been attacking us!”

“Of course not!” he cried, scowling. A short buildup of energy within her form was followed by a blast of sound that threatened his eardrums, and the sounds of fighting stopped. A quick glance around revealed that the mages had run, disappearing as quickly as they had appeared. Cullen returned his attention to the mage in the dirt at his feet.

“Are you going to let me up, or kill me now?” she asked, glaring at him. He suddenly became aware of the fact that his sword was still leveled at her throat. “I mean, I did just call off the others for you.” He blinked and sheathed his blade, then offered her a hand up. She stared at it suspiciously, then picked herself up without his aid. He backed away.

“Commander!” one of his men called as they looked around uncertainly, wary of another attack. One of the archers noticed the mage in front of him and aimed his bow at her. She lifted her chin and cast a barrier, blue light surrounding her as she stared the man down.

“Stand down,” Cullen told the over-eager soldier.

“Commander, they attacked us!” the man protested.

“We thought you were the bandits that have been dogging us every step of our journey,” the mage told him. “We were trying to protect ourselves. Once I realized you weren’t who we thought, I called off the attack.”

“Stand down,” Cullen repeated, glaring forcefully until the soldier lowered his bow. The mage’s barrier went down a few moments later and she sighed.

“Well, I could go fetch the horses we took and send you on your way,” she said. Then she glanced sidelong at Cullen. “Or we could share our dinner with you as an apology for our mistake.” She glanced at the soldier that was nursing his burned arm and winced. “We can also offer our healing magic, if you need it.”

“I think that would be good,” Cullen said, trying to keep his excitement from his voice. He needed time to speak with her, see where the hell she’d been. The look she gave him said she wasn’t fooled.

“My name is Solona Amell,” she told them. “I’m leading a group of mages to the College of Enchanters. Keep your weapons sheathed in our camp and no harm will come to you. However, we will defend ourselves if necessary. We haven’t survived a war and a bunch of bandits without being willing to do what is necessary.” And with that, she turned on her heel and walked off into the forest. Feeling a bit like a lost puppy, even more so than the mabari at his heel, Cullen followed her.

The mages’ camp, when they reached it, was made up of a couple dozen tents of varying sizes, all of them well-worn and patched. When the mages saw their visitors, hands tensed on staffs and magical energy built up, but all signs of hostility ended abruptly when Solona waved a hand and sent that same pulse of sound through the camp.

“Neria!” she called out, and the name was one Cullen recognized. A little blond elf trotted up, wide blue eyes staring in open shock at Cullen as she answered Solona’s summons. “The horses should be healed and returned to their riders.”

“Of course, Solona,” Neria said, nodding, and ran off to do just that. With a sigh, Solona turned to Cullen.

“Do you have your own tents?” she asked him. “We barely have enough room for our own people. I don’t think we can house yours.”

“We have tents,” he assured her. She nodded then turned her gaze to the two wounded members of Cullen’s group.

“The healers’ tent is there,” she said, pointing at the largest of the camp’s tents. “They’re expecting you.” With words of thanks, the two men stumbled off in that direction. Once they were gone, some of the mages approached cautiously and drew the others into their circle, offering water and apologies. Cullen stayed where he was, staring at Solona.

She looked just as he remembered from his days in Kinloch Hold, only a few lines around her eyes to mark the passage of time. Her chocolate brown hair was loose and curled gently down past her shoulders, her tall, slender form just as lithe as ever. She turned wide brown eyes on him, and he thought he might drown in them as he once had.

“Perhaps we should talk in my tent,” she said softly, all evidence of the calm and confident leader gone once her people were tended to. Cullen nodded mutely at her suggestion, still trying to process her sudden reappearance after ten years.

She ducked into one of the smaller tents. Inside was nothing more than two bedrolls strewn lightly with furs and blankets. Cullen frowned; it wasn’t enough to keep anyone warm during cold nights in the Hinterlands. Solona folded her legs under her and sat on the bedroll farthest from him, then turned shy brown eyes on him. He sat across from her and then they just stared at each other, both trying to figure out where to start.

“Where have you been?” Cullen suddenly blurted. “I thought you were dead.” She smiled a little and looked away.

“I’ve been trying to keep my people alive,” she said softly. “Most of the mages here are from Kinloch. Uldred’s rebellion destroyed all the phylacteries in the tower, and the Blight in Denerim destroyed the ones there. We’ve been free ever since, but freedom is not an easy thing when you’ve spent your whole life indoors.” She twisted her hands in her lap nervously. “I was older than most of the others when I came to the Circle, and I had spent most of my life before on my own after my family kicked me out. I had the most experience of any of us, so when we fled the destruction of the Circle it was decided that I would lead us.”

“How did you all get out?” Cullen asked, stunned. “The Templars had sealed the door!” A wry smile tugged Solona’s lips.

“You really think the front door is the only way out of that tower?” she asked him, then shook her head. “There were half a dozen ways out. The Spoiled Princess made half its revenue from mages who snuck out for the night. We always came back because we knew our phylacteries would be used to find us, and then we’d be killed at best.”

Cullen huffed a laugh. “We never had any idea,” he said wonderingly, shaking his head.

“Of course not,” Solona said. “We were always careful.” Then they were silent again. “Where have you been?” she asked quietly. “I mean, I’d heard you joined the Inquisition, but…”

“I was transferred to Kirkwall after the Blight,” he told her softly. Her eyes snapped up to his, then skittered away. The discomfort suddenly apparent in the tense set of her shoulders and the twisting of her hands on her lap told him that she knew what had happened in Kirkwall. He sighed and wished he knew how to set her mind at ease.

“Meredith was a monster,” he admitted quietly. “She kept a lot of things I should have known as Knight-Captain from me because she knew I would have opposed her had I known. I stood against her in the end.” Solona’s gaze searched his, and he hoped she would find something to comfort her.

“I’d heard that,” she finally admitted in a whisper, ducking her head shyly. The silence between them was far more awkward than it had been before.

“How did you get Neria out?” Cullen finally blurted, searching for any way to end the tense silence. Solona smirked slightly.

“It wasn’t easy,” she admitted. “She’s missing a finger because one of Uldred’s abominations found her first. I broke into her cell and killed it before it could hurt her too much. I couldn’t just leave her there; she was my friend, and her only crime was trying to help. Jowan was the only one at fault for what happened.”

“I was grateful that he hadn’t involved you,” Cullen admitted softly, without thinking about it, then coughed and rubbed at the tension in his neck when her surprised gaze met his. “I- I mean… That is…” She laughed, and Cullen stared.

“True, the prison wouldn’t have been terribly romantic,” she said wryly, and he smiled.

“I grieved, you know,” he told her quietly, and she looked away. “I thought you were dead. I grieved for you.”

“There wasn’t time,” she said, her voice just as quiet. “I had to get them out and I couldn’t find you. I did look, but I couldn’t find you. I had to go, to keep them safe.”

“I understand,” Cullen said, and it was true. She’d had a responsibility to her people, just as he had. The difference was that she’d fulfilled hers.

He watched as she worried her pale lower lip with her teeth. “I missed you,” she finally admitted, and he couldn’t help but smile at her words.

“Good,” he said, and her startled expression made his smile widen as she looked up sharply. She swallowed visibly and looked away again.

“It’s been ten years,” she reminded him. “It’s been hard, keeping my people safe and together. We stayed out of sight and out of trouble, offering healing and other magic in exchange for coin when we thought it was safe and learning how to survive in the wild. We holed up in a network of caves during the worst of the mage and Templar fighting, just trying to stay out of it. We would have gone to Redcliffe with the others if we could have. Unfortunately, by the time we even found out about the sanctuary in Redcliffe it was already too late. All that was left to do was wait out the storm. It was a difficult storm. I’m hardly the same person I was back in the Circle.”

“I don’t think any of us came out of all this on the other side the same as we were going in,” he said softly. When she looked at him again, her eyes were wet. He smiled reassuringly at her. “Maybe we could just get to know each other again,” he suggested. She looked conflicted.

“I need to take my people to the College of Enchanters,” she said, gazing distractedly toward the tent flap. Cullen grinned, amazed at his luck.

“As circumstances would have it, I was heading there myself,” he told her. Her gaze snapped back to his at once. “We could travel together, protect each other.” She smiled slightly and nodded.

“That sounds good,” she said. “Maker knows my people need the help. We’re low on supplies and those blasted bandits won’t leave us alone. You walked into the ambush we’d prepared for them.”

“We can protect you,” he told her, studying her familiar face. She smiled and bit her lip shyly, but said nothing.


	2. Firelight

Cullen sent three of his twenty men hunting as soon and he and Solona had agreed to have their groups travel together. He knew they would need more food. He also sent two men to the nearby village called the Crossroads with orders to buy as many blankets as they could carry; if the mages’ leader wasn’t warm enough, none of them were, and there were almost fifty mages to keep warm. Cullen refused to let them stay cold when he could help.

Of course, he’d rather keep Solona warm by other means, but he wasn’t willing to bring it up. Rushing their reunion would drive her from him faster than an attack would. Even though he found himself almost constantly staring at her lips and remembering their taste, he kept his hands to himself. After all he still wasn’t really sure what she thought of him, if she still cared for him the way she once had. It had, as she had pointed out, been ten years, after all.

He watched her as she made the rounds through her people, making certain everyone was as well-cared for as they could be. She settled any disputes about their new traveling companions and soothed any ruffled feathers after the failed ambush. Once his people returned with the blankets he’d sent them after, there were no more whispered worries or suspicious glances. He watched with interest as the blankets were given first to the sick, then to the elderly, then to the youngest, and the rest distributed throughout the healthy. Even with as many blankets as had been bought, there weren’t enough to go around, and Cullen wasn’t the least bit surprised when Solona did not take one of the blankets for herself.

“We bought all they had to sell, Commander,” said one of the scouts he’d sent for blankets. “We knew it wasn’t enough, but it was all they had.” Cullen nodded and smiled reassuringly at the woman.

“You did well,” he assured her. “We’ll get more at the next town we pass.” The scout nodded and wandered off to talk to a few mages.

Cullen had been surprised when he saw small children among the group. Somehow he hadn’t expected that, though ten years was a long time for such a large group of people to avoid procreation. It was clear that the majority of the children had been born just after the group fled Kinloch Hold.

“Six of the women were pregnant when we left,” Solona told him softly as he watched the group of children play. “Three of them had intended to induce miscarriage rather than have their children taken from them by Templars. One of them didn’t know yet. The other two had resigned themselves to their fate of not being the ones to raise their children. When we got out, all six decided to keep their children. They weren’t willing to give up the lives they had created as they would have been forced to do in the Circle. The other children you see were accidents, conceived by overenthusiastic parents who were simply relieved to be allowed to love one another. We give them the best we can, but none of them have ever lived in a house. They’ve never known anyone but our small group. I worry for them, and what will happen to them when we get to the College.”

“They seem as well-adjusted as they can be, given the circumstances,” Cullen assured her. “I’m positive that they’ll adjust to the change just fine.” She smiled at him, but worry still clouded her expressive dark eyes.

Cullen thought suddenly of the second bedroll in her tent and was immediately terrified that she had a lover, that she had replaced him in her heart after all the time they’d been apart. That thought pained him, but he couldn’t begrudge her such comfort after all she’d been through.

“Are any of the children yours?” he asked softly, wondering if she would be angry with him for his question. Instead she smiled at him and shook her head.

“No,” she said. “I have no lover.” She answered the question he was truly asking easily, and his doubt and fear faded into relief. Her smile grew as she continued, “I share my tent with Neria. We don’t have enough tents for anyone to have their own.” Cullen nodded, still battling his intense relief that she was unattached, as well as the guilt he felt for being relieved. Solona left him to his struggles to continue tending to her people.

That night they sat beside each other before the enormous fire that the food was cooked over in a show of solidarity for their people. Two deer were turning on spits over the fire, and five pots of stew were settled in the embers at the edge of the flames, tended to by the mages. The mages had insisted, without Solona’s encouragement, on taking care of the meal for their new guests and protectors. Their gratefulness was obvious to Cullen as they cooked and served the food. It was quite bland, with little in the way of seasoning available to the group, but it was still better than he’d expected. They’d seasoned the deer with the sweetness of elfroot and added spicy dragonthorn to the stews, and it was all surprisingly palatable. There was even tea, Cullen was surprised to notice as he was offered a cup. The herbs had been gathered and dried by the herbalists among the group.

“Sometimes we don’t have all the necessary nutrients in our diet,” Solona whispered, noting his surprise. “The tea serves as a substitute, as much as such a thing can, for whatever is lacking in our diet. It also boosts our immune systems, which is necessary in these conditions.”

Cullen nodded slowly and took a sip. He had to carefully school his features as he swallowed the fiercely bitter brew. Solona smiled to herself as she noted his reaction and drank her own cup in a single gulp, tossing it back like a shot of whiskey. He noticed the other mages doing the same, and then downed the rest of his in the same way, chasing it with a quick bite of stew. He motioned one of his men over and whispered quick instructions to the man, who nodded and trotted off to the pile of their supplies after gathering a friend to help.

When the deer were devoured and the stew drained and the dishes cleared, the two men Cullen had sent to gather supplies entered the circle of people around the fire and Cullen stood.

“Thank you all for the meal,” Cullen said to the group, projecting his voice to carry to them all. Conversation stopped as everyone turned to listen. “To share what you have with strangers when you have so little is a sign of great generosity. Allow us to return the favor as much as we can and treat you to a little something.” Then he nodded to his men, who set three wide stones in the slowly dying embers of the fire. The dough they’d mixed up was sectioned out, then spread onto the heated stones to cook. It was a sweet flatbread he’d asked them to make, something that none of the mages would have likely had since fleeing for their lives. It was a simple thing to make, easy to cook on the road, but the ingredients had to be purchased rather than gathered. He’d noticed that there was no salt or sugar in the meal, and no bread, all of which would have been next to impossible for a camp full of mages to obtain sufficient quantities of.

Pleased and surprised murmurs spread through the camp as the flatbread was passed out. Like the blankets, there was an order to who received it first. In this case, the sick passed it up entirely in favor of the children, who fell upon it as if it were ambrosia. It was given to the elderly next, then the rest of the camp. Solona refused any offered to her until the rest of her people had been served. Only when it was clear that there was enough for everyone did she accept a portion. Cullen thought it was beautiful how she sacrificed for her people and wanted to make sure there would no longer be a need. He watched her with great satisfaction as she closed her eyes in bliss and slowly chewed the sweet bread, and wanted nothing more than to brush away the curl that was tickling her cheek.

Deciding to chance it, he reached out and carefully tucked the strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes popped open and she looked at him in surprise, then she blushed and looked away, finishing her bread without looking at him. He wondered if that was her usual shyness making an adorable appearance or if his attentions had been unwelcome. He couldn’t quite tell with her. Not yet, at least.

“Thank you for the treat, Cullen,” Solona said as he walked her back to her tent. Her cheeks were still dark with a beautiful blush and she ducked her head under his gaze. “My people benefited greatly from such generosity.”

“I could do no less after you shared your food with us,” he told her, and watched her duck her head and let her hair hide her face. It was such a familiar gesture, one she’d used whenever she was flustered. He wished that, as he had back at the Circle, he could tilt her chin up to give her a kiss whenever she did that. He’d kissed her as often as he could at the Circle. Whenever they were alone for even a second, he used that time to kiss her. Walking together in an empty stretch of hallway always meant he held her hand gave her a quick peck. Talking in a secluded corner was always interrupted by passionate kisses. When they could manage it, they would meet in an empty room and devour each other. He knew her body as well as he knew her own, after all their stolen moments of pleasure. Yet he’d never seen her naked, had never known the ecstasy of entering her body. There had never been enough privacy. Two mages or two Templars could engage in such things far more easily than a mage and a Templar could, and they’d never been able to find a way. He’d always regretted that lack. He wondered, looking at her blushing cheeks, if she did, too.

“Goodnight, Cullen,” she said, so softly he had to strain to hear the words. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Solona,” he returned, wishing he could sleep beside her and hold her against his chest and listen to her breathe through the night. He’d missed her so much and didn’t want to give up a single moment he could spend in her presence.


	3. Traveling

“So,” Neria said conversationally, lying down her bedroll beside Solona. “Cullen?” Solona sighed and felt herself blush for what must have been the millionth time that night. She hadn’t blushed this much since she was still an apprentice. She cringed when she realized that also meant when she had last spent a significant amount of time with Cullen. She had, after all, fled the Circle only a few weeks after her Harrowing.

“He’s so different,” Solona sighed. “And yet he’s so much the same.” Neria giggled, tucking her light blonde hair behind her pointed ear.

“You still love him,” she accused in a singsong voice. Solona coughed and sputtered but couldn’t manage to spit out a denial before Neria booped her nose with one finger. “Don’t even try to deny it,” she said with a grin. “I can tell. I’ve known you all my life, Solona! I remember how you were with him.”

“You weren’t supposed to know,” Solona muttered, hiding her face behind her hands. Neria scoffed.

“Jowan and I were both very much aware of your little affair with Cullen,” she admitted. Solona groaned. “It was hard not to notice! You’d show up out of seemingly nowhere with a blush brighter than a candle and a very red-faced young Templar walking the other way. You almost always came to bed with your lips still swollen from his kisses!” Solona groaned a little louder and decided she’d never come out from behind her hands, what little good they did her. Neria giggled.

“Don’t be so embarrassed, lethallan,” she said, a smile in her voice. “It was nice to see you happy, especially after that boy you were with failed his Harrowing. What was his name again?”

“Nathan,” Solona sighed, cringing as she remembered seeing his broken body being carried out of the Circle tower. The Templars had seemed so unconcerned by his death, while she had been a mess for months afterwards. Nathan had been her first love, her only lover unless she counted stolen kisses with Cullen. Nathan had been the only one to know her body. She sighed again as she thought of all the times that Cullen had _almost_ known her body before they’d been interrupted and nearly caught. She would have given herself to him in a heartbeat back then, if she could have.

“Yeah,” Neria said sadly. They were silent for a moment. “You know, I was there when Cullen was told he was going to oversee your Harrowing,” Neria admitted softly. “He tried so hard to stay professional and seem unmoved by the Knight-Commander’s announcement that it would his job to kill you if you failed, but I saw the raw terror in his eyes at the thought. Honestly, I’m not sure he would have done it if you had failed. And I think that was part of the test.”

“Test?” Solona asked, peeking out between her fingers. Neria nodded, her gaze far away.

“The Knight-Commander suspected he was involved with you, I think,” she said. “I mean, _of course_ the First Enchanter knew. He always seemed to know everything. And that time I covered for you when he caught you in a hallway you weren’t supposed to be in he was trying not to laugh. He knew exactly what you’d been doing back there, no matter what I said to try to convince him otherwise. But the Knight-Commander didn’t know. Irving didn’t share things like that with him. He was as loyal to us as he could be, under the circumstances. So the Knight-Commander was trying to ferret out Cullen’s secret, and if you’d failed and he refused to kill you I think Cullen would have been expelled from the Order. The Knight-Commander didn’t like him very much, thought he was too soft.” Neria rolled her eyes at the thought. “He was only soft with you,” she said wryly. Solona giggled.

“I don’t know about _soft,_ exactly,” she mumbled suggestively, and Neria laughed and tickled her ribs, making Solona squeal.

“I don’t want to know that!” she cried, and Solona shushed her. They settled slowly. “So what do you think you’re going to do?” Neria asked after a few minutes.

“I don’t know,” Solona admitted. “It’s been a long time, and he thought I was dead. I guess I’ll… get to know him again?” Neria snorted.

“Or you could just jump him and get it over with,” she suggested drily, and Solona gasped.

“Neria!” she admonished. “We don’t even know each other anymore!” Neria scoffed.

“When he wasn’t staring at your lips, he was staring at your butt,” she said bluntly, and Solona hid behind her hands again. “Don’t tell me you didn’t notice.”

“I… may have… seen him looking… a couple times,” she admitted in a mutter, her voice muffled by her hands.

“Then just tell him how you feel,” Neria urged, but Solona shook her head.

“It’s not that simple!” she protested. “I don’t even know how I feel after all this time.” The elf sighed.

“You spent an inordinate amount of time staring at his butt, too,” she reminded her friend. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that little spectacle.”

“He has a nice butt,” she muttered defensively, fully aware that she was not helping her case. Neria chuckled.

“He does at that,” she agreed, and Solona peeked between her fingers to glare at her friend. She chuckled again. “I couldn’t help it when he bent over to see what one of the children wanted to show him,” she defended, but Solona just narrowed her eyes. “I won’t apologize for appreciating art,” Neria declared, her nose in the air, and Solona gave up and laughed.

“We’ll see how things go, Neria,” she said at last. “I’m not going to rush into it. That would be dumb. But I’m definitely open to the idea of… a relationship.”

“Good,” Neria said with a smile. “Then I can stop pushing.”

 

* * *

 

The mages had no horses beyond what they needed to carry their tents and supplies, Cullen discovered. It was the reason they’d been trying to get the horses to throw their riders during the ambush. The sick were carried on stretchers by their loved ones, and children were carried by their parents if they couldn’t walk on their own. The horses were overburdened, carrying two dozen tents and what basic supplies the mages had. When he discovered this the morning after they’d decided to travel together, Cullen had ordered his men to give up their horses for the mages’ use. His own charger was currently carrying three small children as he walked on foot beside Solona.

“Thank you for allowing us to use your horses,” Solona said to him as they walked side by side down the road. She was firmly in her leadership persona and her posture was straight-backed and proud, her voice strong and steady. Cullen admired it as much as he wished she wouldn’t use it around him.

“You need them more than we do,” Cullen admitted. His soldiers had easily given their mounts to the sick and elderly and to ease the burden of goods on the mages’ horses, recognizing their need. He hadn’t had to do any convincing at all.

Solona shifted the heavy pack she carried and smiled a little. “Still, it is very generous of you and your people,” she told him. “We have not seen much if any kindness since we fled.”

“I’m sure you haven’t,” he lamented. “If you’d managed to make it to Redcliffe, you would have been given the option of allying with the Inquisition. The former Grand Enchanter Fiona only had good things to say about her time with us.”

“Yes, I’d heard the mages were recruited,” Solona said. “But by the time we knew anything they’d already packed up and left. Some of my people wanted to make the journey to Skyhold and see if we could be safe there, but most of us were afraid of the sort of reception we’ve received elsewhere happening again. In the end, those who wanted to join the Inquisition were outvoted.”

“You vote on such things, then?” Cullen asked her, surprised. She smiled at him.

“Of course we do,” she said easily. “I cannot be solely responsible for such decisions without becoming a dictator like the Templars were to us. We are a democracy. Even the children are given a say in deciding what paths we take. And no one is required to stay who doesn’t want to. We’ve had a few leave us over the years, taking their chances elsewhere. A couple of them came back when they found nothing but hostility wherever they went.”

“How did they find you again?” Cullen asked, curious.

“We left a trail for them,” Solona told him. “Whenever someone leaves the group, we leave a trail everywhere we go for the next year, one that only members of our group could recognize, in case they want to return.”

“Can’t others follow the trail to you and attack?”

“No. Only a mage of our group would know it for a trail marker,” Solona told him. “It’s a magic we developed ourselves to keep anyone from getting lost without drawing attention to ourselves.”

“Resourceful of you,” Cullen complimented. She smiled, then turned her attention to a young mage who came bounding out of the trees beside the road. Cullen had noticed that some of the mages would wander off for a few hours at a time before returning to the group.

“Solona! Wonderful news,” the boy cried, grinning, his pointed ears twitching in his excitement. “I found three beehives around a meadow of mint!”

Cullen watched with interest as Solona’s eyes lit up at the news and she grinned. “Gather the older children and the herbalists,” she told the boy. “Teach any child who wants to know how to keep the bees off you while you gather the honey. Be careful to preserve their hives. Then have the children gather as much mint as they can without damaging the plants.” The boy nodded and bounded off through the group, gathering a significant number of the others.

“I take it this find is unusual and welcome?” Cullen asked curiously. Solona grinned at him.

“It means our medicinal tea will actually taste good for once!” she told him, and he smiled at her enthusiasm.


	4. Scars

“You have a new scar,” Solona observed as she settled in her place beside him in front of the fire. Cullen turned to her in surprise and she gently touched his lip. He chuckled.

“Do you want to hear the story of how the Champion of Kirkwall decked me in the middle of the Gallows?” he asked with a wry grin. She laughed lightly and hid in her hair.

“If you wish to tell it,” she murmured, though he could hear the smile in her voice that he couldn’t see. After their long day of travel and camaraderie, he dared to gently brush back her hair and tilt her chin up. Her beautiful little smile, full lips tilting up just so, didn’t falter, but her eyes widened in surprise as she looked up at him. He took his hand back before he was tempted to do something far more intimate than touch her cheek.

“I was… not a very good person after everything that happened during the Blight,” he admitted. “Insufferable was a commonly used word for me. The Champion herself frequently called me a ‘nug-humping bastard mage hunter,’ if I recall correctly.” That made Solona snicker.

“She sounds very respectful,” she said without a hint of irony in her voice, though it was written across her face.

“Oh, indeed,” Cullen allowed, smiling. Then his smile faded. “I was bitter, resentful. And Meredith was no help; she only fed those parts of me. She wanted me to hate,” he admitted. “And I did.” He looked away, no longer able to meet the mage’s gaze. This time it was her careful fingers under his chin that made him look up. He smiled into her compassionate gaze and kept his eyes on her face as she asked. “When I met Hawke, she was just another refugee from Lowtown trying to survive. I’d been investigating the disappearances of some of our recruits and I’d chased the only one who’d returned out to the coast. Her first sight of me was as I was attempting to intimidate the truth of where he’d been out of him. It was… not a pretty sight. Naturally, it colored her opinion of me, though she helped me readily enough. Anything for a few coins is what she said. Well, almost anything.

“In any case, we were not particularly friendly with each other,” he continued. “She was very careful for a long time not to reveal that she was a mage. She fought with bow and arrow, only implementing her magic when she knew all witnesses that she didn’t trust with her life would be dead shortly. Even so, rumors spread of a mage cleaning the gangs out of the city. No one was willing to point fingers or use names, but many people knew who it was. Still, she was a force of good in Kirkwall, one of only a few, so those who did know for certain that it was her kept quiet.

“Once she became Champion after she saved the city from the Qunari, however, she stopped caring so much. The entire nobility of Kirkwall had seen her use her magic to defeat the Arishok, after all. She was as safe as ever, protected by her title and the love of her city. So she became an apostate openly living free in Kirkwall, the only one to do so. And she never hesitated to use her position to her advantage.

“I recognize now that she was trying to help people, and that she did a lot of good putting pressure on us like she did, but at the time I felt differently. We were arguing, screaming at each other more like, in the middle of the Gallows courtyard. There were mages and Templars and simple passersby all around as she argued for leniency with the mages, demanded answers for all the new Tranquil, and I had no answers for her. Meredith was always careful to justify her actions in a way my troubled mind would accept, or she didn’t tell me at all.

“If I can recall correctly, what finally broke her patience with me was something a bit threatening about her apostasy. She was challenging views that Meredith herself had cultivated in me, and everything in my training rebelled against her words despite the fact that I now know she was correct. Hawke had always been cheerful to a fault, joking about even death. The one thing she never joked about, not even once, was Tranquility. She’d seen too much of it, knew what it was, what it meant for a mage. What I said to her…” Cullen shook his head and pressed his lips together, abandoning his unspoken promise to keep his eyes on Solona’s beautiful, compassionate face in his shame. “I never should have said such a thing,” he admitted softly. “It was beyond cruel and I was overwhelmed and confused. It should never have even crossed my mind.” He sighed heavily before continuing. “She was wearing heavy gauntlets. She put on quite a show for the people, easily identifiable by her jagged armor made with dark iron and dragon skin. Her gauntlets were very sharp, so when she finally lost her temper with me and threw one hell of a left hook she split my lip almost all the way through to my teeth.” He chuckled slightly, recalling her face as his blood had spewed across the flagstones of the courtyard. “She was somewhat horrified with herself when she realized what she’d done. All activity in the courtyard stopped, everyone turning to look as I bled all over the place and my blood dripped down her gauntlet. Then her elven lover, Fenris, who had been hanging back and just watching her go with this indulgent little smirk, started laughing. The elf had lyrium etched into his very skin, escaped from slavery when Hawke helped him kill his master, hated all mages except Hawke herself, and I had never seen him even smile before, and he was bent over laughing himself hoarse at what she’d done.” He chuckled at the memory, shaking his head. “He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her away without ever saying a word or pausing in his laughter.” Solona chuckled a little and he finally screwed up his courage and looked at her. Her eyes were shining with mirth and she did not look the least bit upset with him, which he didn’t understand.

“Sounds like you got what you deserved,” she said wryly and he chuckled.

“I did at that,” he admitted. “When she came to help the Inquisition, she complimented me on my ‘rugged good looks’ and ‘handsome bad boy scar.’ She is a ridiculous person.” He chuckled and shook his head again.

“She sounds lovely,” Solona contradicted. He looked away from her again. _What must she think of me now?_ he wondered. “Cullen,” she said chidingly, and he found his eyes drawn up to her face again against his will. She was so close that he was almost startled. She’d leaned in when he wasn’t looking and her lips were mere inches from his. He ached to close the distance, to feel the softness of her flesh against his own. When he tore his gaze from her lips up to her eyes, there was an odd intensity there, as if, perhaps, she was trying to will him to close that final bit of distance. But he couldn’t imagine that she could truly want his touch after what he’d just told her, after how long they’d been apart. “Cullen, I think it’s very dashing,” she finally said, and he jerked in surprise.

“Do you then?” he breathed, and unconsciously licked the edge of the scar. Her eyes followed the motion before she copied it. He wished so much that he dared to take her lips in a kiss. He had no doubt that it would set his every nerve on fire until all that existed was her touch.

But he couldn’t bring himself to risk it. She deserved better than what he had been.

 

* * *

 

“Ugh!” Solona moaned, her face buried in her flat little pillow. Neria giggled. “He almost kissed me today!”

“I saw,” Neria said with amused awe. “The whole damn camp saw! You two were both trying to telepathically force each other to close the distance. Just kiss him already!”

“I can’t!” Solona moaned. “He was so vulnerable and hurting! I didn’t want to push him.”

“Solona, lethallan, you dense little fuck,” Neria said forcefully, and Solona peeked up at her in shock. Neria didn’t swear or call names like that lightly. “He was seeking your touch as comfort,” the elf told her friend. “He wanted you to kiss him.”

“Why is it obvious to everyone but me?” Solona cried, then buried her face in her bedding again when she realized how loudly she’d just spoken.

“It’s always clearer from a distance,” Neria said wisely, shrugging. “Anyway, what was he telling you that made him go all pensive and withdrawn?”

“He was… talking about the Champion of Kirkwall,” Solona admitted reluctantly. If she didn’t offer up the information, Neria would get it in other, less pleasant ways. “Apparently she decked him for being an ass.”

“Being an ass about what, specifically?” Neria prodded. Solona sighed.

“About mages and magic and Tranquil,” she finally admitted. Neria was silent for so long that Solona had to look. The other mage had a faraway look in her eyes, pensive, thinking deeply, but not upset.

“He must have a lot of regrets from his time as Meredith’s second in command,” the elf finally said, sounding sad.

“Yes, I think he does,” Solona admitted. Neria looked intensely at Solona and gripped her shoulder tight.

“Don’t you get it?” she asked urgently. “He thinks he isn’t good enough for you!” Solona frowned.

“How could he think that?” she wondered. “He’s perfect.” She winced at her words, but Neria grinned in triumph.

“So tell him that!” she said. “Tell him you still have feelings for him. This thing won’t go anywhere unless you take the first step,” she declared. Solona sighed.

“I suppose so,” she admitted, but she was afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hawke punched Cullen and no one will ever convince me otherwise.


	5. Butterflies

“Come, walk with me,” Solona invited after dinner the next night. “It’s finally warm enough to venture away from the fire, now that we’re leaving the Hinterlands behind.”

Cullen stood awkwardly, surprised by her request, but followed her willingly enough into the trees. She walked out of earshot of the camp, then kept moving when he expected her to stop. She didn’t look back at him to see if he was following, either. He wondered if she was going to ask him to stay away from her. They’d enjoyed each other’s company during their travel that day, or so he’d thought. Maybe he was fooling himself with her idle chatter. She was so hard to read, hot one moment and then cold the next, boldly meeting his gaze and then ducking under her hair for no apparent reason. He wondered what he was missing.

The dense forest suddenly broke into a wide meadow with a pond at its center, and Cullen looked around in awe as Solona seated herself on a fallen tree and looked up to him, the moons sparkling in her dark eyes. She raised a hand and gestured him over to her, and he joined her on her perch. The sounds of birds and insects mating in the cool spring night filled the area, but it was soothing to his nerves.

“Cullen, these last three days have been wonderful,” Solona said softly, looking away. “The bandits likely spotted you in our company and have left us alone. The children are happier than I’ve ever seen them. My people have hope that we can make it to the College in one piece. Thank you for helping my people.”

“It is no trouble,” he assured her, a bit disappointed but also relieved at the topic of conversation. “We’re traveling the same way and it just makes sense to go together. To travel together, that is.” He forced himself to shut up as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yes,” she murmured, still not looking at him. They were silent for long, awkward moments as he desperately tried to think of something to say.

“Cullen, I-“

“Solona-“

They tried to speak at the same time, then both flushed and looked away from each other. Cullen cleared his throat awkwardly. “Ah, you go ahead,” he offered. He heard her take a deep breath, then felt her fingers touch his jaw to ask him to look at her.

“Cullen, everything feels different,” she told him softly. “And yet it all feels exactly the same. We’re both such different people now, yet I still get those same butterflies in my stomach when you look at me that I did when I was an apprentice at Kinloch. I still remember every touch, every kiss we shared. And I miss it. All of it. The Circle was a prison, but you were never my jailor. You were my freedom. And when I’m with you now, even after all this time, I still feel free when I’m beside you. The cold of the Hinterlands can never touch me when you’re here to keep me warm.”

Cullen’s lips parted in awe at her beautiful, heartfelt words. She hadn’t been nearly so eloquent before, but he found that he greatly enjoyed it. She was practically glowing with the heat of her blush, but her eyes were steady on his, awaiting his reaction.

And he couldn’t help it. He kissed her. He leaned in and closed what little distance remained between them and took her mouth with his. Her lips were soft and yielding, and he swallowed her little cry of surprise. He cupped her jaw in his hand and angled her head to deepen the kiss, and suddenly her arms were wrapped around his neck and pulling him closer. She scooted across the rough bark of the tree until they were pressed together, and he pulled her even further until she was cradled in his lap, her chest pressed against his. He was grateful that he’d already removed his armor for the day and all that lay between them was cotton and wool and he could feel the intimate contours of her body against his. He pressed his tongue greedily between her lips and she met him with matching ferocity. She lapped at his tongue, little whimpers escaping her mouth just to be swallowed by his. When he felt moisture collecting on their faces, he pulled back, concerned, but she simply tucked her face into his shoulder and held on to him. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, his chest aching with feeling for her.

“Solona, what’s wrong?” he asked her softly, pressing soft kisses against her hair. “Why are you crying?” He heard her sniffle and delicately clear her throat. He realized suddenly that he had never before seen her cry, not once. She must have at some point, he knew, but he’d never witnessed it. He wondered if it was a sign of trust that she would cry before him now or if she was simply too overwhelmed to stop it.

“I just never expected this, Cullen,” she whispered, her hands fisting in his tunic as if he would try to escape her. “I never expected to see you again, much less that you would still care for me. I thought that if we ever did see each other again, I would be at the wrong end of your sword.”  She sniffled again, then released a watery laugh. “Though I suppose that part did happen.” He chuckled with her, holding her close, and felt her curl up closer to him. He had indeed held her at sword point when she ambushed him.

“Solona,” he said, and curled a finger under her chin. When she looked up at him, his heart nearly stopped with the force of his love for her. Her dark eyes were wide, glinting with tears and shimmering in the moonlight, filled with too many emotions to name. Her slim nose was reddened by her tears, which fell down her cheeks as if they loved her, too. Her cheeks were pink from the whole experience, and she looked so young and vulnerable and trusting. Gently, so gently, Cullen leaned down to press his lips against hers again, briefly, before he pulled back to offer her a smile. “During all this time we’ve been apart, I never stopped loving you,” he admitted softly, and her full lips, swollen from his earlier kiss, parted with shock.

“You thought I was dead,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I was so certain that you had moved on, found another, would be happily settled down with someone who could deserve you.” Cullen shook his head.

“There are several flaws in that reasoning,” he told her with a smile. “First, you assume I was in any fit shape to be courting anyone after what happened at Kinloch.” Her brows drew down but he continued before she had a chance to become grim. “Second, it sounds strangely as if you don’t consider yourself good enough for me.” He ran the backs of his fingers across her cheeks, gently wiping away her tears. “In fact, I think quite the opposite is true,” he confessed. She frowned and opened her mouth, but he cut her off. “You are a strong leader who has successfully kept fifty mages safe while on the run for over a decade. You are a powerful mage with the will to enact great good on the world. And you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. How could a former Templar with too many scars in his mind be deserving of such a treasure?” Her blush deepened.

“There are flaws in your reasoning,” she told him with a small smile as she looked up at him, repeating his own words back to him. “First, you assume that I don’t have just as many mental scars as you do.” Shadows briefly clouded her eyes before she forced herself away from whatever thoughts had caused them. “Second, you speak as if having the strength to completely leave the life of a Templar is a small thing, or a bad thing. In fact, I think it is the greatest act of courage and fortitude I have ever seen. To stop taking lyrium as you have must have been excruciating, and I doubt you feel no lingering effects from it now. Your commitment to this is even stronger than the commitment it takes to become a Templar in the first place.” She looked up at him so earnestly that the truth in her words struck him like a punch to the gut; it had taken so much strength and courage to do what he had done, even with how necessary it had felt at the time. “And third, by this reasoning and your own, you are as much a treasure as I am.”

Cullen ran his fingers down her face, simply feeling her soft skin and the warmth of her. “Solona,” he murmured, and watched her face light up with a smile just for him. She gazed at his lips while licking her own, then leaned up to him to take his mouth again.

The kiss was slower this time, less a desperate twining of tongues and more a soft embrace. The warmth of her mouth invited him in so their tongues could dance together. The fingers of one of her hands massaged his neck where he always rubbed at it when he grew flustered, her touch relaxing the tense muscles there. Her other hand was still fisted in his tunic to keep him close. He surrounded her with his embrace, one hand tangled in her silken hair and the other wrapped around her waist. She seemed to want to be enveloped by him, to allow the strength in his body to protect her until she was next required to protect herself. She allowed herself to be vulnerable with him, something she had never done before with anyone, he suspected, including himself, and that called up an answering tenderness in him. He _wanted_ to protect her, wanted to hold her close and never let go. He wanted to give her this rest, allow her to sleep while he protected her from the world just as she protected him from his own demons.

The lingering whispers of lyrium and torture in his mind were silent as long as she was kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my sweet Solona.
> 
> I'm having too much fun with this.


	6. Stay

At the College of Enchanters, Cullen’s business was with the Templars. Solona’s was with the mages. Once they arrived, he didn’t see her for three days. He tried to focus on his responsibilities. He was there to find those among the Templars who wanted to get out, to be rid of their lyrium addiction and choose another life for themselves. Despite the College’s insistence that they were free of the Chantry and oversaw themselves, they still allowed some few Templars to remain with them for emergencies. Though they had less than a third of the number of Templars that would have been stationed at a Circle of that size, there had been only one incident where their abilities had been called upon. Otherwise, the mages truly did police themselves and the Templars were left to their own.

A dozen of the Templars at the College jumped at the chance that Cullen offered. When he and the other former Templars proved to them that they were free of the lyrium the twelve men and women happily agreed to travel to the clinic Cullen had set up not far from Skyhold to defeat their addiction in safety and comfort. Though they were warned that not everyone could ultimately be free of the lyrium, they all decided to take that risk.

On the morning of Cullen’s fourth day at the College, he sought Solona out. He was going to leave the next day at dawn and he couldn’t go without speaking to her.

When he finally found her, she was holed up a garden, sitting beneath a statue of Andraste with her head in her hands. Even though she looked exhausted, she was still beautiful, and his heart skipped a beat to see her again. Part of him had wondered if she was just a dream, if the Solona he loved had died during the Blight and his damaged mind had conjured up her ghost as a salve for his wounds.

“Are you alright?” he asked as he approached. She gasped and shot to her feet, energy gathering in her palms before she dispelled it. He backed up a step, his hands up in a peaceful gesture.

“Sorry,” she said, her shoulders slumping and her face hidden behind the curtain of her hair. “I’m exhausted and it’s been difficult to get used to things like beds and not having to look over my shoulder every moment to make sure my people are safe. After all this time I’ve developed a great respect for the Dalish.” Cullen stepped forward and brushed her hair back from her face. She allowed it, looking up at him and searching his gaze.

“You are safe now, Solona,” he reminded her. “You don’t have to run anymore.” She smiled, moisture gathering in her eyes, and stepped into him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tightly. Cullen smiled and pressed his cheek against her hair, holding her in his arms and reveling in the warmth of her.

“Are your people settling in?” he asked her after a few moments. She sighed and pulled back, straightening her shoulders.

“They’ll be fine,” she told him. “Some of the children, the ones who’ve never known anything but tents and life on the road, are struggling with all the new faces and manners expected of them. They don’t know what to do with themselves. But children are resilient. They’ll adjust. Most of us are just grateful for solid walls around us.”

“I am glad that you, that your people, made it here safely,” Cullen told her. She looked up at him curiously.

“I’ve been hearing all about you and the Inquisition in between settling my people,” she told him. He blinked, surprised, and waited. “A lot of people seem to think that you and the Inquisitor were… close,” she told him after a moment. Nothing about her manner suggested that she was upset by this revelation, which disturbed Cullen more than he’d care to admit.

“They are rumors,” he told her, striving to match her unconcerned air and probably failing. “Inquisitor Lavellan and I share nothing more than mutual respect and friendship.”

“Oh?” Solona asked him, her eyes probing his face, searching for some sign of deception. Her shoulders, which had been relaxed and easy, were stiffening slowly. She was upset by the rumors, and Cullen hated that he was relieved by that. He smiled at her and stroked a lock of her chocolate hair.

“I was her Commander and her friend, nothing more,” he promised the mage that he loved. “She was involved with an elven apostate, in any case. There was no room in her heart for anyone but him, not in that way. We were friends.” Though the apostate in question had broken Lyna’s heart and left her alone in the aftermath of battle, she would have none but him. Cullen could admit to a spark of attraction in the beginning, but it dimmed to nothing as she got closer to Solas.

Solona visibly relaxed, ducking her head to hide behind her hair again. “I admit,” she said softly, just above a whisper, “the rumors worried me. I would never begrudge your happiness if you had found another, but I would have been very hurt if you had led me on when you had someone waiting for you at Skyhold or wherever she’s disappeared to.”

“Solona,” Cullen breathed, cupping her face in his hand and urging her to look at him. He stepped closer until they were nearly touching and he could feel the crackle of her aura on his skin. “There is no one but you,” he promised. “All these years, and you were the only one.” Her eyes widened.

“But it’s been so long!” she exclaimed. “Surely you have not been alone all this time!” He smiled at her sadly.

“I was in no fit shape to court anyone for most of the time we were apart,” he admitted. “And when I was… Well, there was no one I wanted to court. I’ll admit to a few dalliances, but nothing lasting longer than an evening.” Solona leaned up on her toes so that she could kiss him, balancing herself with a hand on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and dragged her closer, deepening their kiss.

“Oh, Cullen,” she sighed as she pulled away, resting her head on his shoulder and allowing him to surround her with his bulk.

“I have to leave in the morning,” he murmured to her after long moments. She stiffened in his arms and looked up at him, brown eyes wide.

“Don’t go,” she whispered, her fingers clutching at him desperately.

“I have to,” he told her. She clutched him tighter.

“Why?” she demanded. “We only just found each other!”

“I know,” he said sadly. “But I came here to find Templars who wanted to leave that life, who wanted to be free of the Lyrium, like I am. A dozen of the Templars here have decided to try. I have to take them back to my clinic and help them through this. It is a difficult process, and not everyone makes it through.”

Her brow puckered in a small frown and she fidgeted with his cloak, slender fingers nervously plucking at the material as thoughts passed behind her eyes. He held her close, unwilling to relinquish his hold on her until he had no choice. After what felt like an eternity, she looked up at him, her face clear and determined, her chin jutting stubbornly.

“Then I’ll come with you,” she announced. His head jerked back in shock.

“But this… Your people are here!” he cried. She smiled.

“And I have fulfilled my duty to them,” she told him. “I set out to get them to safety. I have done so. I no longer have any obligations to them. We are all free now to pursue our own lives.” He opened his mouth to protest again but she cut him off. “I won’t give up on you now that we’ve found each other again,” she said, voice hard. “I won’t leave you behind again. Besides, having a healer at your clinic should be useful. I can do good there.”

“Are you certain?” he asked her even as his arms tightened around her and his head dipped to hers.

“I’ve never been more certain,” she whispered as their lips met again. “Take me with you.”

“Stay with me, Solona,” he murmured against her lips, clutching her desperately.

“I will protect you, Cullen,” she vowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is! I never meant for this to be very long. I'm fairly happy with how it turned out. Anyway, I like Solona and Cullen. They'll do great together! And, in case anyone has read Vhenan and is anxiously waiting for the next part, this story is canon for it. I mean, technically I guess the Amell/Cullen ship is canon-divergent (though show me exactly where the non-Wardens die. That's right, you can't. Even the dwarf noble could have found his way to the surface and escaped. It's only a theory that the non-Wardens die.), but for my purposes it's canon. ;)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the ride with me! I really fell in love with Solona. I intend to have more of her at some point, but maybe not in her own stories anymore. We'll see! Thanks for reading! Comments give me life, guys.


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